D’artagnan is a big love of a bearded collie, with a coat so invitingly smooth that you want to sit beside him all day, running your fingers through his silken tresses. A canine Girl’s World – if that was the name of those decapitated dolls’ heads that were given to girls to practise their hair and makeup skills on. What was that about? I always found them incredibly freaky, which is probably why my hair is so haphazard, and my makeup, somewhere in the back of a drawer. Plus, I worry about all the headless dolls that must be out there somewhere as a result of this toy. Waiting for me, in the corner of the room, for the night when the power goes out all across the city (shudder).

So, on the whole, it would be much safer to give a little girl a bearded collie: all the hair-clip practice a girl, or boy, could dream of, and no nightmares as a result. And talking of hair clips, just check out D’artagnan, wearing his with effortless pride and dignity.

Perhaps the border collie association should think about this as a marketing tool. But the whole dog, obviously.

At least, I think he’s a border collie. With all these mixed breeds around, it’s important to get these things right. I only hesitate because on more than one occasion I have heard his owner refer to him as “her bear”, and as she is one of the most knowledgeable dog-owners I know, she must be right. And, suspiciously, now that I look again, I see that you can’t write bearded collie, without writing bear. Hmm, that’s a thing, right?

Half Collie, half bear, perhaps. Maybe, but there is a caveat. This bearded collie has been bred from a bear, yes, but from the only type of bear found in England – the ursus anglicus – a bear whose habits involve throwing sticks into a stream, writing poems or hums, and rescuing tiggers from trees. In a word, he is the Pooh Bear of dogs, loyal and loveable, and so, so cuddleable. That seems about right for him.

Quite how that all condenses into an embroidered portrait, I don’t know. To be honest, I seldom do. The trick is to stop talking, and get on with some pictures:

And here he is.

Rather loveable.

If you have a dog or bear this handsome, and are wondering whether it’s time they were immortalised by a rambling fool and her sewing machine, do hop on over to the Commissions Page. Or take to following rocketfullofpie on Instagram, where there are plans afoot for a giveaway one of these days …